Table for One: Empty Nesters

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

In my life, the line “table for one” was usually heard in the movies. The scene always looked the same; a woman who tried to cover her anxiety by a dress that looked great at home but in the eyes of strangers not so much bravely entered a posh restaurant and came face to face with a starched and ironed maître d who sized up her situation with a single glance. And while he may have felt some sympathy for this woman he was not allowed to deviate from the script. He intoned “table for one madam.” The actress always seemed to follow him with a downtrodden step.

I have been widowed for some time but even that did not “empty my nest,” as I still had children of varying ages living with me. But in the natural order of things they left, one by one. I was spinning like a top when the last box was taken to the car’s already bugling trunk. With a smile plastered on my face and tears behind eyes that were too bright, I waved goodbye as my youngest reversed his car and drove forward into the next phase of his life. While this was a new beginning for both of us, and I was excited for him, the truth is I had no idea what to do with myself.

Squaring my shoulders I shut the door and defaulted to my ultimate crisis (of any kind) behavior…I made a pot of coffee. I have wondered why that is my “go-to” move and my conclusion is that it is the most normal behavior I can think of. It’s a bit like Schubert’s Ava Maria - equally appropriate served with joy or sorrow. This was a bit of both; I was happy for my son to leave for new opportunities and the next phase of life and terrified that my life was over. This was not a beginning I had spent too much time considering so wrapped up I was in being the sole provider and parent. The house, which I joked many times about reaching critical mass, now felt big and loose like an ill-fitting garment. As usual, I was too dramatic and not nearly pragmatic enough. He did well and I got along.

I realized in the months after my nest was empty and too large that I had let down on some of my standards. This was emphasized again during the pandemic. I mean it isn’t like I was going to entertain anyone so things slipped. Clean laundry seemed to occupy a basket rather than neatly hung in my once color-coded closet (this is actually true!), cups with coffee and tea dregs greeting me in the afternoons, and I even found myself eating standing up since I had just come in from the garden and suddenly realized I was hungry. I began to realize things had gone too far. I wondered if all the years of trying to set a good example daily were a dream. I certainly felt like I was in a fog. Gradually things reached a stage of what my friends called “a new normal.”

Today, table for one, it is a reality for many people. One certainly does not have to be widowed for this to be true; the pandemic and quarantine showed us this could be standard fare.

“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.” Psalm 73:23

I cannot tell you the day or time that the fog began to lift but it did. I stopped being aimless and began to be more mindful. I made it a point to sit down for meals which was not easy at first. Just like any task repeated over time, it begins to be second nature.

Monday was a rare day off work for me and for a change I did not try to cram too much into it. I made coffee, cooked my breakfast, and set the table. I sat down to enjoy rather than gobble my breakfast. I recommend this unreservedly-please don’t wait as long as I did! There was no rush, less acid reflux from eating on the run, and there was a real sense of peace and contentment. After all, I too am a child of God, created by Him for a specific time and a lifetime of purpose, not just a couple of odd jobs. So now, years later, I am ready to begin this part of my life. May it be so with each of you!

A Recipe for a Table for One

Put on some music.

Decide what to cook.

Set the table.

Sit down.

Ask not only the Lord’s blessing, but be aware that we are never truly alone.

Take slow bites. Enjoy the food.

Clean the dishes (no one wants to wake up to a sink full of last night’s supper).

Enjoy the rest of your evening knowing you treated yourself to the same wonderful meal that you have given others countless times.

I was grateful to realize I really am NOT too busy to “smell the coffee.”