Overanalysis & Faith Paralysis

When I was a senior in college, I sat out by my usual spot at the lake to write, and I felt this deep emptiness and loneliness where my faith used to be. I had spent weeks and months researching science and theology and philosophy and anything at all I felt could help me understand what or who God is - to either prove or disprove Him. I needed a sort of closure to stand firm in my belief.

But I also remembered a time when I would wander into the adoration chapel at 6 am every morning, sit on the ground by the space heater with a cup of coffee, and have morning conversations with God without questioning, critiquing, or overanalyzing. I missed those mornings. I missed the comfort I found in sitting with a friend.

But I wanted to understand the mechanics of God for the sake of defense. I felt it was silly of me to put so much stake in a belief I couldn’t explain or share with others, but have you ever tried to explain why you love someone so much? It’s hard because it’s difficult to define a relationship. People roll their eyes like you’re some lovestruck puppy out of touch with reality.

When you look too closely into something, looking at it from a sociological perspective, apart from love and grace, it’s easy to become cynical and disregard the importance of faith. It’s like telling someone madly in love “Well you know it’s just chemical reactions in your brain, right? Nothing special” Or “Well life is just a simulation you’re creating in your own brain.” What a buzzkill, right?

The concept of God isn’t something you can explain by saying what it is. You can only explain God through metaphors. God is like the wind beneath our wings. He is the light by which we see everything. Etc. etc.

Just like you can’t define exactly what love is. Love is the fire in our souls. Love is willing the good of another. Love is the thing by which all things are created. But it isn’t a concrete thing to be studied and prodded.

Even when we say, He is the Way, the Truth, and the Light, we aren’t exactly saying quantifiably what God is made of. What kind of substance? How does he work? How can I believe in something I can’t explain? I dare to say a God is worth believing in is beyond explanation. But sometimes even that doesn’t feel good enough for me.

We can make our guesses and hypotheses, we can theorize and create proofs of our mathematical and cultural equation for this theory of everything, but the beautiful thing about it all is that none of us can prove it. And it teaches us to be humble.

And the only way to approach mystery is through humility.

The danger comes when we allow our egos to dictate our lives and relationships with people of other beliefs in the certainty we know everything. When we decide we say it right, we do it right, and anyone who does differently is inherently wrong or bad. But the problem is that everyone thinks that way. So how do we know who’s right?

We don’t. And we grow in that uncertainty. In that uncertainty, we learn to level with each other. We learn to listen and understand and make spaces in our hearts and minds for other people. We grow this capacity for not quite tolerance and not quite acceptance, but rather compassion. Aristotle once said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Our hearts grow smaller when we block out ideas that may push our boundaries or stretch our preconceived notions of the world.

Loving God isn’t a process to be explained - it’s a gift to be accepted. There are times when a little tug and pull is helpful in our faith life, but don’t be discouraged if you find yourself doubting or asking questions you feel you shouldn’t.

So stay curious. Asking questions can be dangerous, but it’s not as dangerous as asking none at all. Because you’ll find you always circle back to Christ, each time with a renewed understanding of who He is, and who we are in Him.

But most of all, the best person to talk to about God is... God. Pray about your doubts. You don’t have to pray to understand, you just pray for the humility to be okay with not understanding. Faith is a paradox. But isn’t everything worth thinking about?